Sarah Frances

I couldn’t have explained myself better if I tried…

Raleigh!

I have found my way to Raleigh once again… this time interviewing for a real-life nursing job.

It was really weird walking into the Ashburton house, I feel like an entirely different person. I have new perspective, new pain, and new joy. I felt a lot of resistance coming back, but now that I am here I have peace. I think I was almost ashamed to come back, now that I feel less-than-perfect. I have dropped the ball in many areas of my life, it seems. At the same time, I am embracing areas that were once forgotten and that is beautiful in itself. I am so thankful for the community in my life, and to see this community span across the state is warm.

Raleigh isn’t so bad, after all.

1 note

Whoever said discipline was a blessing never had such great friends…

Only a month left. I can do this!

Needy

This morning I accidentally left my Mac charger at Caribou, therefore I had to go back and get it this afternoon. After picking up the charger I felt inspired to go for a short run on the greenway. On my run I prayed and enjoyed the sunshine and was peaceful. While heading back to my car I ran into a specific friend I had been praying for. We started walking together, shared about our lives, our fears, our questions, and how our minds seemed to be our worst enemies. How we felt undeserving of the gifts we have been given, and how we are unsure how to change. And then the most important part came: we spoke words of truth and encouragement over one another. Just as it is easy for me to tell this woman how amazing she is, she says it is equally effortless to do the same for me. I think I believe her. During this time of sharing I realized that perhaps it is ok to need peoples words of encouragement. I hate it when people tell me I “need to need people.” I have always been someone that was like “I don’t want your affirmation, I only want it from God. If I can’t accept it from Him, clearly there is something wrong with me.” I am learning to accept the gracious love of others. It may be a very slow process, but I am learning, and I want to receive it. I think that is half the battle.

Sister Mary’s devotional reading for the day:

Col 1:21-22

²¹ Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of^[a] your evil behavior. ²² But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation—

I feel like I got to take a glimpse into a crystal ball today…

Today we had an event for Birchcroft, the apartment complex with refugees. We held a low-key, minimalist health screening. I remember thinking last night that I wasn’t sure how it would turn out, or if the extra work was worth it. All previous doubts disappeared as I stepped out of my car and into their world. I walked up to the tent and saw a few nurses taking blood pressures and doctors talking to people. There was something rustic about it that made me feel like I was in another country. Perhaps it was the rain, the lack of resources, or the folks speaking Vietnamese with babies tied around their waists. I spoke with the children and taught them about their heart rate and blood pressure, and it was wonderful. It is times like these that I remember why I am doing what I am doing. It is my manna. AMENNNNN

Sister Mary take 2

Sister Mary gave me this scripture yesterday. Psalm 84: 11-12

¹¹ For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

¹² LORD Almighty,
blessed is the one who trusts in you.

Then she told me that in April she will “send me off.” Prophetic?

Sister Mary

Today my patient Sister Mary told me:

“Obedience is not sacrifice.”

“Trust God. He has a plan. We have a 7th sense, the sense of discernment.”

“God has a plan, it might look different than your plan.”

“God knows the desires of your heart and He will give them to you.”

“I am praying that you get the job the want, and that you want the job you get.”

“No need to pray about things more than once, He heard you the first time.”

Proverbs 15 ¹³ A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
but heartache crushes the spirit.

Once again, my plans to leave Charlotte have been foiled. I would have never thought when I told everyone to promise to make me stay in Charlotte for at least a year after I graduated that my greatest promise-keeper would be God himself. Hmm.

I love dreaming and sleeping.

Half-way

Well, I am halfway finished with my ICU internship and it seems I have less insight than before on what I wanted to do. I know I like being able to teach and educate my patients, but I hate 12-hour shifts (I do love 4 full days off) and know that I will get tired of total patient care. I want to use my brain and think critically more than I am doing right now. Sure, I have to think about how drugs will interact and such, but I want to be more than a task-facilitator. Sometimes I think it would be nice to just be a dermatologist and settle down, but I don’t want to limit myself by specializing too soon.